By Lisa Copeland
Nancy had worked her butt off climbing up the corporate ladder to her current position as Senior Vice President of Sales. She’d had to endure a lot to get there.
Men hadn’t always been keen on working for a woman and she knew over the years they had called her a bitch and other derogatory terms behind her back.
These days, she no longer cared as long as they got their jobs done. True, it had meant toughening up her heart. As a kid, it had broken so easily by those who didn’t like her.
Today, she was proud that this was no longer the case.
Everyday, Nancy came to work in her power suit… either a black skirt and jacket or a black pant suit. She had always figured if this is what successful men did in the corporate world, then she’d do it too.
When it came to making presentations to her male colleagues, she felt she was pretty good at it. She knew exactly how to gather all the facts and figures, knowing men were logical beings and related to numbers well this way.
However, there were times she found herself leaving meetings totally exhausted, feeling like she’d played a challenging mental game she’d had to work hard to win.
On a personal level, Nancy’s marriage had suffered from her climb to the top of the corporate world.
As the judge banged the gavel declaring she and her husband of 20-plus years divorced, he looked at her sadly and said, “Nancy, I’ve loved you since we were kids but you just don’t seem to know how to let me be a man. And I can’t do this with you anymore.”
She asked him what he’d meant but all he could do was hug her one last time telling her she would have to figure it out now on her own.
Nancy had all the money she could ever want, and yet as she went to bed every night, she longed to feel a man’s arms around her again making her feel safe and loved.
Divorced now for three years, she’d tried dating but men seemed to be so intimidated by her job and the power she reeled.
So what can Nancy do to find love again? And how about you, if you have anything in common with this corporate power house?
If you find it easy to relate to men and you have them stepping over themselves to date you, none of this will come as news to you. But if you’re struggling with getting first or second dates, or men say they find you intimidating, here are five behaviors that are turning men off — and how to change them.
1. Drop the power suits that make you appear like a masculine female, which is something men can’t relate to. Get back in touch with your feminine side, your girly girlness, particularly with your look. Appearing soft triggers in men a desire to come forward and be there for you.
2. If you feel you have to turn off and on an imaginary personality switch between work and dating when it comes to men, I want you to pay attention to the next sentence. There is no switch. The key is playing into your true feminine power at work and at home, which means learning how to relate to men so they want to cooperate, not compete, with you.
3. Stop being one of the guys. You have unique strengths as a female in the workplace and in the dating world. Just using the four magic words — I need your help — will have men wanting to help you no matter what a power house you are in the corporate world.
I’ve talked to lots of men about this and to them, asking for help does not show weakness like women often assume it does. On the other hand, demanding what men must do for you only makes them resist you and see you as competition who must be beaten at all costs.
4. Drop the suit of armor you’ve had to build to protect your heart. No longer feeling emotion is a male trait. Straight men don’t want to date other men. What they are looking for is a woman with an open heart who is willing to show her vulnerability. By the way, being vulnerable is a strength, not a weakness, in the dating world. Making a man feel needed in your world is the key to a man’s heart.
5. Take the masculine phrases “I believe” and “I think” out of your vocabulary and replace them with the feminine phrase “I feel.” Now that doesn’t mean telling a guy you feel he’s an idiot. It means saying I feel frustrated when a project isn’t completed.
Men do need direction to those emotions they’ve suppressed and you can help them (which will help you) with this simple vocabulary switch. It also reminds you to stay in your unique feminine power.
How do you feel about dropping these turn off behaviors from your interactions with men? Tell us in the comments.
Lisa Copeland is the Dating Coach who makes dating over 50 fun and easy. Find out more about how men over 50 think at www.FindAQualityMan.com.