By Marni Battista
It’s inevitable, an ex is bound to pop up in almost every relationship. It can either cause your relationship to fail, or make you stronger. It’s all in the approach of how it’s dealt with.
Although I believe it’s possible, I don’t believe it’s common for “friendships” with ex’s to work out well for anyone in the equation. When ex’s stay friends, there is a fine line between what’s appropriate and what’s not and because of this, there will always be one person who feels jealous whether it due to time spent, physical affection or favors done for one another.
Some people believe that beyond the intimate relationship they had, they can salvage just the friendship. It really depends on the situation. If your beau and their ex have been friends since elementary school, were friends for years before they dated, or are family friends, this may be the exception to the rule. It also depends on what your beau and their ex are doing when they hang out. Is it in a group with mutual friends? Or is it alone, watching movies or grabbing dinner? Go with your gut. If you think it’s inappropriate, it probably is.
Inevitably, there will be one person who still has feelings for the other. This may seem like a wild claim, but I believe that women are better at just staying “friends” with an ex than men are. Again, this is only my opinion. What should be most important is your relationship with your significant other. If you feel insecure about your relationship because his ex is still in the picture, that’s normal. It also shows that there may be doubts in your mind about trust and monogamy with that person.
There is really only one thing you can do…
Explain to your significant other that it bothers you and if you’re important to him, he needs to stop.
If he doesn’t understand or continues to fight you on why he needs to still talk to his ex, it’s your call. Either you tell him that the communication with his ex is a deal breaker and you leave him, OR you decide that as long as there is no “funny business” going on you’re willing to live with it.
What is not appropriate is to say that you’re okay with it but hold resentment or bring it up when you’re upset. Say what you feel and make sure you’re heard, loud and clear. Being direct with your significant other (or anyone for that matter) about what you want and what bothers you is the best route to go!
Have you been in this situation? How did it work out?
About the Author:
Marni Battista, deemed one of the 10 Best Women’s Dating Experts, is the founder and CEO of Dating with Dignity.