This guest blog comes from relationship expert Jonathon Aslay, who challenges the idea of gathering information about a new date from social media. For the record, I have no problem with people Googling possible dates, but Aslay does make some good points about not turning someone down just because they don’t come up in Google search.
Maybe you’ve done this in the past. You meet a man online or at a party, and he asks you out for coffee or a drink. You’re curious to know more about him even before you meet. So you Google, Facebook, or Twitter him. You want to find out something about him. But what exactly are you hoping to find and why? Perhaps you want some kind of proof that this man is worthy of your time before you devote any of it to him. But when it comes to dating, what makes a man really worthy of your mind, body and heart—and more to the point, will you get the answer on Google?
Recently while chatting with a group of single women, I heard the most astonishing comment. One of the ladies shared with the group that she rejected a date with a man because she didn’t find him anywhere on Google. What, nothing? I asked. Nope, not a thing, she replied, incredulous. How can anyone go their entire life these days without anything digitally imprinted on Google or in social media?
She went on to say she wouldn’t date a man if he didn’t come up after a Google background check. She said single women need to be ultra careful and do a little homework before they date someone without references or referrals. Yes, it’s true women need to do what they can to be safe, but perhaps this is being overly cautious. Certainly, there are good reasons to do a little digging if you’re going to be meeting a man you don’t know much about. He could have a criminal background, or he could have been involved in something unsavory. He may be managing a personal website with beliefs and values that conflict with yours.
And yes, something usually comes up when you type in your own name, but is it a huge red flag if a person isn’t mentioned on Google these days? Not necessarily, and it’s worth your time to really think about how much stock you should put into a Google search. You could miss a great guy who simply hasn’t done anything Google-worthy. If he doesn’t appear on Google, does that mean he’s not date-worthy? Maybe he’s just not a computer-oriented person and isn’t into social media. Is that so bad? Perhaps he’s out living his life and doing things rather than sitting at his computer. That’s the kind of guy you might want!
It’s also possible he goes by a nickname or his middle name, and there are all kinds of Google mentions under his legal or professional name.
The bigger question is, why are Google mentions your prerequisite for meeting someone you know nothing about? It’s possible that he lived in a small town most of his life, and wouldn’t have done anything that Google would pick up. Do you want to possibly miss out on a great guy who actually does fun things just because you can’t find anything about him online?
The point I’m trying to make is that perhaps relying on Google or social media to vet your date isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Just 15 years ago, many of us had no choice but to learn about the people we were dating the old-fashioned way — by getting to know them gradually, asking questions, and paying attention to our intuition. If someone isn’t particularly computer savvy or hasn’t done anything that’s been publicized online, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a bad person.
Stop depending on Google and social media, go meet the guy in a safe public place, ask questions, and use your intuition.
When it comes to learning whether or not a man is date-worthy, finding out if he comes up on Google may have its advantages, but it certainly shouldn’t be your only prerequisite for getting to know a man.
Learn more about Jonathon Aslay and his relationship coaching program!