If your relationships end up the same way (not good!), and you seem to gravitate towards a particular type of person (the wrong one, repeatedly), this is a sign that you could use a little guidance. Today’s guest blog from Ashley Papa looks at the various times it might be wise to talk to a professional about your relationships…
Written by Ashley Papa, Fox News Magazine
Friends will tell you what you want to hear. But then comes that moment when you’re ready to hear what you need to hear. How do you know when it’s that time?
1. Your Relationships Typically End in Disasters
Faulty dating patterns, like getting into destructive relationships, being unable to sustain relationships or not being able to get over a breakup may require the expertise of a licensed therapist. The root cause of these patterns could be low self-esteem and anxiety issues that a therapist could identify and help you get over, says psychotherapist Sari Cooper. “Advice also changes if there are mitigating factors like, an angry ex-spouse, financial resources or sexual performance anxiety.”
2. You Can’t Meet Potential Dates
A dating expert can offer tips on communication, meeting new men or women and setting you up with viable dates rather than allowing you to continue to date the same types of people, says author and dating coach Liz H. Kelly. “Many men and women will also hire a coach to revise their internet dating profile,” she adds.
Social anxiety can lead people to avoid social situations or online dating so that they’re having trouble getting out there. A therapist can help overcome this if you are really feeling stuck.
3. You’re Too Dependent on Family
Your parents didn’t have the internet. And societal expectations regarding marriage and lasting relationships also have changed. A family member may have unconscious needs based on their relationship with you that unconsciously affects their advice, says Cooper. “For example, a mom might suggest you continue to see someone because they have the ‘right’ job or religion.”
If your parents or pals are way too immersed in your dating life, this could be a sign of an unhealthy situation. Seek advice from a detached professional without any emotional ties to you.
4. Your Friends are Projecting Their Experiences on You
Remember that advice from friends can be skewed based on their own experiences. For example, a long-distance relationship didn’t work for them, and therefore it could never work for you. “If someone thinks their friends are telling them how they really feel, they will be more resistant to seek other’s advice,” says Kelly. They may also be tapped out ideas. Therefore, you’re getting the same advice and experiencing the same (not good) result. Always take advice from your friends with a big grain of salt, knowing that they bring their own baggage to the table.
What if You Can’t Afford A Therapist?
If you don’t have the time or money to spend on a professional, relationship classes and books are a good bet, says psychologist Dr. Jeff Gardere. Especially material that is more scholarly and less fluff, he adds. Look for books and classes written by professionals who have had a lot of experience working with couples of all ages and circumstances.
This article originally appeared on Fox News Magazine: 4 Reasons to Talk to a Therapist about Your Relationships