By Lori Bizzoco | Yahoo Contributor Network – Mon, Sep 16, 2013 5:39 PM EDT
Sometimes, you’re faced with challenges in your life, and you’re forced to make a decision. But there are times when your boyfriend might not agree with what you say; he gets upset, and now, you’re stuck wondering if you made the right choice. Suddenly, you’re making judgments that you normally wouldn’t make just to keep him happy or avoid an argument.
Stop right there! Remember that we make the choices we do because we’re trying to make our personal lives better. You have to do what’s best for you. Next time you’re faced with a decision and you’re considering picking your partner’s first choice instead of your own, ask yourself these five questions:
1. What’s really best for me? If you ignore your gut because it doesn’t agree with your partner, you’re only hurting yourself. “If you let your significant other make too many decisions, then you aren’t expressing your own preferences and desires,” says relationship counselor Carl G. Hindy, Ph.D. “The best relationships involve understanding one another’s needs and wishes, sharing and supporting each other, and helping one another fulfill them. If you don’t speak up, you are short-circuiting the most important piece of your love life.”
2. What’s going to make me happy? If you want to go out for girls’ night, go for it. Or if you want greasy Chinese food instead of your usual order of a salad, indulge! It’s okay to do your own thing and let your partner do his. After all, if you don’t make yourself happy first, you won’t be able to fully make your partner happy. As love expert Amy Morin explains, “You need to share your thoughts and ideas, so you can complement one another and help your partner strive to make the best decisions based on the idea that two heads are better than one.” Giving into whatever your partner wants turns you into his pet, and you never see a man dating his dog.
3. Am I losing sight of who I really am? Have you stopped going to yoga solo and started being lazy with your man instead? Did you quit watching “The Real Housewives” and switch to “SportsCenter” because it’s his favorite show? Maybe you gave up a weekly dinner with your friend because your guy likes to have dinner together every night. By letting your partner make your decisions, you’re allowing someone else’s personality to overpower your own. This isn’t something that you should take lightly or shrug off: You need to remain true to yourself.
4. Do I like letting my partner make all of the decisions? Getting into a relationship is about compromise, but it doesn’t mean you should completely become the same person – one mind with only one opinion. “Compromise forms part of a relationship, but control and loss of identity does not,” says life coach Carolina Caro. Sharing ideas and listening to each other’s wants and needs is healthy, and communication is key in a relationship. No matter how long you’ve been together, a man will never get tired of a woman having her own opinion.
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5. Is your relationship a true partnership? If only one of you is making all the decisions, there’s no partnership and no need for that “other half.” Joanne J. Wendt, Ph.D. suggests that couples that help each other make their own choices “promote a sense of empowerment and a healthy relationship for both of them.” When you help your partner by not taking full control of the decision-making process, you’re not only enabling them to become stronger individuals, but you’re also building a stronger relationship.
Remember that your partner is with you because of who you are. Making your own choices radiates sexiness and confidence; plus, it will help you grow as your own person. Always use your voice – you have it for a reason!
Lori Bizzoco is the Executive Editor of CupidsPulse.com, a first-of-its-kind website that takes the latest celebrity news and repackages it to help singles and couples navigate their love lives. She is a sought after relationship and entertainment expert who has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Newsday, Chicago-Tribune, Working Mother, Woman’s Day, Redbook, Parenting, and on Fox News, The Suze Orman Show, WebMD, Match.com, JDate, YourTango, Forbes and more. She’s appeared in two books: ‘ No Excuses: 9 Ways Women Can Change How We Think about Power’ by feminist icon Gloria Feldt and ‘Cheat on Your Husband (With Your Husband)’ by Andrea Syrtash. Today, CupidsPulse.com has more than one million unique visitors per month.